A reckoning.

A reckoning.

How to give you the story that it is my Heart?

I invite the story into me like a wave arrives onto a sandy shore, nourish it with all that I am and let it lap back out into ALL that IS to join you.

My Heart is open wide and my body is tired as I watch the mountain majestic greens pass through my window now leaving the jungle. I write under the dim sunlight filtering through thick clouds.

This was one of the most physically rigorous journeys I have taken in my travels, but through total disconnection from the world we know, the soul is nourished through absolute simplicity of Life, so present in front of you. This reflection is a time where I rode the rails of all that lives between Love and fear. In the physical form of being lost at the mouth of the jungle, there is an opportunity to find. Some of the things I thought and felt:

Joy and marvel at the seemingly hundreds of different hues of green that drench the framework of the land. Every vista is more breathtaking than the one before. Life is breathing everywhere.

Humility in being a tiny speck in such an enormous natural force. Feebleness in knowing I am just another living organism in a seriously unexplainable web of creatures.

Fear winding through the blinding curving roads soaked with rain, rocks, and a new set of rules that crippled all my own logic.

Respect for the creativity and inventiveness of people who live rudimentary with nature as their primary teacher. They are patient beyond belief, calm, warm, and in the most present way—happy for what matters—health and life for their children and family.

Terror in the discomfort of undeniable heat, disease, and total lack of control.

Kindness and sadness in being given food by beautiful weathered strangers across the world and watching these locals scrape my plate for their own meal.

Judging and judged as a blue eyed, blond haired woman who got the opportunity to walk on some of these deep foliage paths filled with ancient magical trees. The continuum of the world colliding and merging in the very same instant. These moments of learning can be painful as they expose layers so hidden in the forests of your heart—to SEE who you are. These moments can be exhilarating beyond any excitement I’ve known to feel LOVE that binds us in such tangible ways. I think the body sometimes doesn’t even know how to process these layers.
During one moment, I found myself under an almost full moon sky taking a bucket bath with rain sheeting down from the sky onto me. The shower teetering on a wooden platform above the river I crossed on a small wooden paddle boat with my bags, now churning wildly below me. Pure darkness in the shower to evade the Dengue mosquitoes. Here, I wept and laughed together. The river, rain, darkness, cool rush, frustration, and unexplainable gratitude exactly matched my physical surrounding and poured from within me. I don’t think I’ve cried that hard for many years, but there was a LOT of rain falling to be in concert with me and me with it. We can never really unravel all that is in these spaces of us, I just assume that as I wade into the layers of me—I become a more whole soul. I appreciate more. I know how precious this life is as I get to breathe in these morsels of living color.

This kind of journey brings you to new plateaus of respect for so many things: health, safety, family, comforts that we take for granted and…spiritual nourishment. This kind of journey also hurts as parts of you are literally exfoliated into change. This can only be described as a reckoning. An awakening. And with it there is the work that is total forgiveness, around every mountain curve. It takes a lot of love. To taste Love is our function. I’m going to finish this eve’s writing with a piece from a beautiful tune (hyperlink if you want to hear it). I am physically so very tired and looking forward to dreaming. I’ll write more of the specifics on the gorgeous parts of the trek and the people that lit the path soon!

Rolling River God (Words Nichole Nordeman)
Little Stones are smooth
Only once the water passes through
So I am a stone
rough and grainy still
Trying to reconcile this river's chill

But when I close my eyes
and feel you rushing by
I know that time brings change
and change takes time
And when the sunset comes
my prayer would be just this one
that you might pick me up
and notice that I am
just a little smoother in your hand
Sometimes raging wild
sometimes swollen high
never have I known this river dry
The deepest part of you
is where I want to stay
and feel the sharpest edges wash away

Welcome to the Jungle BaBY.

Hey beautiful folks.
I have 5 mins to write this...and leaving for the outer jungle country tomorrow at 6am.

6 hours thru the night. 4 hours wait, 6 hours thru the afternoon.

We made it. I know how amazing Spirit is. The ride was one of the craziest of my life, and most beautiful. My bus seat was in the front of a two story bus, 12 feet in the air with a 2 foot window, to SEE the entire journey. During the day...electric green hues like your eyes have never seen. Riding into the clouds. Jungle rains falling. Rocks sliding onto the road (sometimes blocking up to 24 hours...if big enough). We slid around deep mountain curves, missing cars, buses, animals, people, rocks...and well...I am glad to just sleep tonight and know I am safe.

No connection for several days as far as I can tell as we will be sleeping out in the country of the jungle. Just wanted to bring you to this small corner of the world, where the jungle road ends and beautiful people shine.

You are all with me...more than you know.
Love beyond words,
Mags

Chasing chocolate in the high jungle.

Dear Family! Ready to disconnect and leave for the first of two 6-hour bus rides…this will introduce the second part of the journey of hope. I am consolidating my bags in half so I can travel light up into the high jungle. It is always fun to “drop” things here, I think mostly for the realization that when it comes down to it, the material things don’t matter much.

Many of you have sent me your Love and protection and I know that this will be with me. I am dropping my computer with a family on the coast after the first 6-hr ride, so my connectivity may be sparse. If there is a way to write, I will. I will scribe it all for you for whatever moment I can get to this space of sharing.

The journey goes: 6 hr ride thru mountain roads to the coast of Chiclayo (I like it better in the dark, because if you see what lies below you and the rubble road without any protection from the edge, well, it is unnerving. Chiclayo arrival 5am…where I will meet up with Carly Y., an NPR International writer who is doing a story on the Maranon Chocolate site I will be visiting. Second 6 hour bus ride northeast into high jungle were we will meet “Gringo Brian,” an unspeakably awesome friend who helped me frame DiscoverHope’s work in Peru many years ago and directs the operations of the chocolate project. Another 1.5 hours into the rural high jungle and we will be there…

Wrapping up the time here in Cajamarca, I am so proud of the team and the history we are building with the communities here. Today I had the chance to reflect on the very first days in winter 2007 when Nora and I traveled here to drop her off to begin our project. So beautifully the torch was passed to Desiree this year who continues to grow the vision planted years ago with an amazing team (both here and there). From team strategic planning in Spanish (hard!) to visiting women in the countryside, I suppose I could sum it up by saying I just want to wrap my arms around LIFE and say thank you.

My beautiful friend Paige sent me a blog piece that I loved; it seemed to sum up the journey ahead for me, so will just share it:
“Today marks a major Turning Point and powerful changes will be set into motion. How these changes occur, how they affect us and how we deal with them will be determined by the level of our commitment to Trueness. We are taking our first steps into unknown territory. To do this, we need to follow the Compass of our Heart which will lead us true and to trust our inner knowingness that ALL IS WELL, even when it doesn't always appear that way. There may well be challenges, but they will be brief if we are able to demonstrate our mastery by walking upon the Path of Love as a True One.”

Well, I am taking this Path.
Loving you all around the swervy, rocky mountain roads. Maggie

southern cross

the southern cross watches me tonight
a gift from this hemisphere
the aboriginal eye in the sky
celebrated by generations of culture

tonight as we eat together
they present me with thanks
for the dignity and power we give women.

I say in our quiet hearts and open minds
Love will always blaze its own pathway
Love will shine outward from us as Home
through every opened door.

dear world:
I do not know the way
but you have called
and I am open to receive the gifts.

Vulnerability.

I am at the end of a wonderful weekend of learning. Sunday night…and I wonder what you are doing in your own spaces and places? If there was a word that best sums up the vacillating emotion of this journey, it would be “vulnerability.” And by this, I mean the entire continuum of emotion that is contained in that one amazing word! Vulnerable: · heart open to the beauty of different culture · exposure to being completely physically different and constantly watched · routine = non routine · the known no longer known · contact with total poverty and (non)perspective by being among it · worry for safety at times · connotation of being an American (woman), the good, bad, amazing, and ugly · fullness in seeing opportunity light up lives · practicing (sometimes choppy) language to connect across experiences · heart open to the spiritual journey (and heart fighting spiritual journey) Friday night ended with a visit to our newest village bank of women, Madre Dolorosa. Outside of town in Nuevo Cajamarca, this amazing group of women joined together to open a cooperative restaurant with their microloans. I really enjoyed hearing them tell their stories of their own vulnerability… once being embarrassed to sell anything and now standing strong as a group who serves daily lunch menu out of their collective restaurant. Desiree is the “madrina” (godmother) of the new space and participated in a blessing for the positive growth of the restaurant; this speaks to me of the trust that women have for her. I held the newest child of the group, Daniella, who must have been less than one year. She smelled like an innocent and pure heart, and made me feel comforted holding her thinking that all over the world, new lives hold that utmost beauty. Just as a week of intense work ended, I looked forward to a pisco sour, the specialty drink of Peru (colorless grape brandy). I was shut down by the country’s “ley seca” (dry law). Who knew! This weekend happened to be the Presidential elections and for 3 full days, not a drop of alcohol could be sold or drank without a steep fine for businesses or jail time to eliminate the violence of political disagreement. Most people took the party to their homes, and I found myself playing a game of indoor soccer with a young teen boy who didn’t know that the women in my family are serious soccer chicks. I’m happy to report— game ended with 2-1, my win (a proud moment and hurt knee from a concrete floor slide tackle)…and an evening of conversation with women about the challenges of being a woman in a very macho society. Nevertheless, the elections made for an intriguing weekend of observation…as any election of a country leader would be. After firework explosions, virgin blessings, and rallies in the streets, the front runner is Ollanta Humala, a left leaning Nationalist party guy and Keiko Fujimori, daughter of former President Alberto Fujimori who is now in prison for his corruption against the Peruvian people. Just as we all sit and argue, agree, and wonder…well the same goes ‘round the world. Des and I enjoyed an evening at Usha Usha, a live music jam session where anyone is free to be a part of the musical creation. Melodic harmony brings people from all over the world to experience this place and Don Jaime, the owner and leader jam guitarist is a legend in town (and Lonely Planet). Des and I broke out a couple of our own tunes when they asked us to sing in English. I must say, we did a pretty good rendition of “More than Words” by Extreme (thanks to years of sister harmony in my household). I think we were forgiven for our “Hey Jude”, well at least they didn’t know what we were singing. I am much stronger with the 80’s and memories of the highest hair in the world. I went to the “mall!” today, which didn’t exist here back when I lived here in 2004-06. It is super captivating to watch people see a single escalator for the first time (there is only a single person up ride, not a down). Some of the campesinos (rural farmers) come from far and wide just to see this steel jaw machine! In this warehouse of stores, the place to be on a Sunday…the social energy converges and it is quite a sight to see people ride the metal monster into modernity, and all that it offers (and takes away) just by the mere fact of its existence.) Finally, the weekend punctuated by a perfect trip to the house of our favorite knitting teacher, Charro. Her family “received” me (this is very common here, the entire extended family gathers to say hello, gives you a kiss, watch you). Her crochet work was beautiful and I commissioned her to make me a couple unique pieces for my hippie wardrobe, including a small dress coat-cover that I hope to wear when I marry my incredible friends Haley and Joe on April 23. People here are not used to getting paid for their time…and when I broke out the money for Charro, she literally poured down tears of joy! Her whole family applauded me and asked me to try on all of her pieces so they could take pictures. As any loving gathering ends here, you are always “invited” to have something of theirs, and on this day it was some powder instant coffee that left my heart beating strong and full. Monday brings team strategic planning, and Tues begins the 12 hour bus journey to the high jungle. Vulnerable, and fulfilled in so many ways. Loving you! maggie

Drops of Inspiration

Under wet and rainy skies, I am inspired by so many things:

Desiree our Program Manager represents DiscoverHope as an active, moving, and kind force.

Every village bank we visit in the field gets a “kiss in” and “kiss out”, that is, every woman connects with us to welcome in Gratitude and again to send off with care. Feeling is creation and quite simply, I am lifted by their feeling. Can you imagine that something so simple as being grateful can completely change your life?

Sharing is paramount…no matter what little resources people have, they greet with something that is a symbol of them: fried dough, hot chocolate, boiled potatoes in cheese sauce, laying a blanket across a dusty bench to sit on. Kindness grows out of everything.

Opportunity creates pride, listening to stories of women and watching the flicker of light come into their eyes is one of the best gifts I’ve personally received from this life work. There is power in a woman who moved from a depressed, debilitated, and beaten person to an animated teacher of crochet for countless numbers of women. In the greenest field so physically far from the coolest city in the world (Austin!), I was talking to a woman sitting on a dirt floor who had never touched a computer a year ago and knew nothing of the “internet”..today she asked me to “Friend” her on Facebook. In my own mental quiet, I know that every difficult moment and every doubt I’ve had sitting in my office staring at pictures of these beautiful women is translated into someone having a magical journey.

And without a doubt, every one of you who makes this possible by being connected, you are in every awesome drop of rain.

When we love, we are using the greatest power in the Universe.

And I gotta say, Love and I have a thing going on…

mags

The Knot of Community.

April 5

Just as the sun peeked above the cloudy blanket of the morning, our plane hovered above Cajamarca Peru, the former Incan Northern stronghold. The arrival into this small mountain town is such a beautiful experience…the landing is done purely by sight as the town is very remote (aka no radar tower, sometimes just cannot happen on extra rainy days). The pattern is always the same: plane circles mountain morning haze and drops into layers of the clouds, one layer at a time…you literally enter the bowl of green and brown patched land sprawling over the expanse below…framed by mountains on every side. It is really glorious and slightly nerve wracking! Desiree our Program Manager and Oswaldo General Manager of our NGO partner greeted me in the early morning hours with a familiar welcome. We laughed on the ride into town about the welcome sensory vista of Cajamarca: flooded broken streets accented with farm animal dung and crisp air washing the fresh day into your lungs.

I slept for two hours to acclimatize to the mountain altitude and get it all together. There is vulnerability in settling into a totally different culture where you are so different from everyone. I usually begin it all with 1) rest 2) shower 3) coffee and 4) plain old remembering through any doubt that WE ARE MEANT TO HAVE AN AMAZING LIFE.

First stop: Hope House. Today’s class was 40+ women who requested crochet lessons from their favorite teacher, Charro. Walking into their Presence is such a refreshing reminder of all of the conversations I have on the US side…to be close to the women and the reason we do what we do. They are gracious and strong. The KNOT of their community in one another’s lives is so apparent. Watching them all settle into their class, I just let myself float away for a second and listen. I heard the ECHO of communion punctuated by laughter, sharing, and advice. Humbled time and time again by the strength of mothers all over the world, I just loved being close to the experience of their agility and determination—toddler wrapped in blanket on the back, young infant in their arms, and somehow crocheting the design with pride and power. Introductions and goodbyes are very ceremonial so the class began with me giving a formal speech of appreciation and ending with a personal shared kiss with every one of the ladies and their kiddos…talk about love amplified! That I get to be in receipt of such power is truly an honor.

Late Day was punctuated by bringing the entire Peruvian staff together for an evening of sharing over Peruvian pizza (aka cheese not familiar to our pizza). The world is a canvas for our imagination…and this was a joyous evening, inviting each person to contribute to how they see the future ownership of the program here. The resourcefulness and intelligence is well and alive in all of them.

Sitting in safety and gratitude. If you feel it, you can receive it! Your goodness is a magnet to all the riches in life.

mags